Writing Topic Sentences

These paragraphs start with poor sentences. Say what is wrong with each topic sentence. Then write a new one.

      a. The topic sentence is too general.
      b. The topic sentence is too specific.

1		Jade Wong is a student. She comes from Shanghai. Jade is majoring in geology at Hobart State University. This is her first trip outside of China. She lives in Jackson Dorm and likes it a lot. She especially likes her two roommates, Karen and Jill. Jade has only one complaint. She likes big cities and the town of Hobart is very small. Jade plans to return to China after graduation. She hopes to work for an oil company.
2		Paolo Vargas lives in Packard Hall. He is from Brazil. Paolo is an engineering student. He is majoring in civil engineering. His father and two of his brothers have a construction company in Belem. Paolo likes this college but he is often homesick. He comes from a large family in Belem, Brazil. He plans to spend his summer vacations with his family in Brazil.