COMMUNICATE! Movies, magazines, and advertisements are filled with glamorous images of the human body, male and female. What messages are the media communicating about what's desirable and what isn't? How do they do so? What effect do these images have on your sense of your own body and your expectations for others?
COMMUNICATE! Many people have difficulty asking their physician questions about sexual matters, especially sexual functioning, yet physicians are usually an excellent resource for information and help. If you have questions you'd like answered, try writing them down as they occur to you. A week or two before you see your physician, read them out loud at home to get used to the idea of talking about them. Bring the list with you to your appointment. Try beginning with something that's easy to say, such as "Doctor, I have a couple of questions I'd like to ask you."
COMMUNICATE! Parents are often embarrassed to talk about sex with their children and adolescents, yet honest and factual discussions of sexuality are among the most important conversations to have with children. Many experts advise giving the very youngest children short and simple answers that respond only to their immediate concerns and adding details as they mature. Choose one topic, such as intercourse or homosexuality, and practice what you would say to open a conversation with your own child about it.
COMMUNICATE! The media present images of many different kinds of families. Do you think any of these reflect a realistic view of parenthood? Which aspects strike you as positive and which as negative? Are mothers presented differently from fathers? How has the media image of families influenced your feelings about being a parent? Consider what is being communicated to you by the media and what your response to it is.
COMMUNICATE! Some fertility problems may be at least partly inherited, so it can be useful to know your parents' fertility history. If you don't want to approach the issue directly, you can ask questions such as, "Was there a reason that you waited so long after you got married to have children?" or "Did you plan to have me when you did?" You may learn things you didn't know about other aspects of your parents' lives as well, such as their career aspirations or their socioeconomic status when they were younger.
COMMUNICATE! The transition to parenthood occurs overnight and creates tremendous physical and emotional stress for the parents, no matter how many books they read or how well prepared they are. During the period of adjustment, many couples who were quite egalitarian before the birth find themselves falling into more conventional gender roles. The woman may take a larger role in "mothering" the baby--feeding, diapering, soothing, nurturing--and the man may start thinking of himself more as "the provider." Rather than becoming entrenched in these roles, partners can discuss their wants and needs with each other and negotiate differences. By remaining aware of their actions and by communicating with each other, partners can make conscious decisions about how much they will share the child-rearing roles in their new family.
