COMMUNICATE! Couples sometimes fail to use condoms or other contraceptive methods because they feel it reduces the spontaneity of sex or destroys a romantic atmosphere. If you are in a relationship and find yourself facing this problem, think about what you will do and practice what you will say. Talk with your partner ahead of time, and be confident about your right to control your own fertility. You might begin by saying something like "I know you think using a condom is unromantic, but not using one means taking a chance on getting pregnant and I'm not ready for that right now. Being worried doesn't make me feel very romantic. Let's talk about how we can use condoms and still stay in the mood."
COMMUNICATE! If you are planning a visit with your physician to obtain a contraceptive, be sure you understand all the implications of the method you choose. Make a list of your questions ahead of time so you don't forget any of them when you're in the office or exam room. Some questions to ask are "How does this contraceptive work?" "How often do I have to use/take/replace it?" "Does it have any side effects?" "What is its effectiveness, and what can I do to make sure it is as effective for me as possible?" "What should I do if I want to stop using/taking it?" "Will it have any permanent effect on my fertility?" "How much is it going to cost?" Think about any other issues that are important to you, and practice wording the questions you need to ask.
COMMUNICATE! Did your parents tell you anything about contraception? If so, was it what you needed or wanted to know? Think about what you would ideally have wanted someone to tell you. Then imagine saying something similar to your own adolescents (or young people you care about). You might begin by saying something like "I want you to know I respect your privacy and your right to make decisions. I also love you and want to be sure you're able to protect yourself if you choose to have sex.''
COMMUNICATE! What are your government representatives' views on abortion? Contact their offices or go to their Web pages to find out their positions. Do they present clearly thought-out and articulated views? Do you see any fallacies in their thinking, such as false dilemma (presenting only two options when more are available), ad hominem (attacking the person making a claim rather than the claim itself), slippery slope (arguing that one action or event leads inevitably to a progression of additional actions or events), or false analogy (claiming that two things that are alike in one way are also alike in other ways)? If you see these or other flaws in logic, consider contacting the representatives to seek clarification. If their views are not in line with your own, also consider letting them know where you stand
COMMUNICATE! If you and your partner must discuss whether to obtain an abortion, try first to agree about whose choice it is. Once you have established how much input each of you will have in the decision, you can address the many questions surrounding the decision itself. It will be easier to think things through if your respective roles are clear
COMMUNICATE! The decision to have an abortion is a difficult one, and the experience is emotional and often lonely. If a friend confides in you that she has recently had an abortion, she is most likely experiencing many conflicting feelings, including relief that an unwanted pregnancy is over; regret, grief, or mourning; shame or embarrassment;
or perhaps anger toward her sexual partner. More than anything else, she may need to share her feelings with a caring friend. Whether or not you agree with the choice she has made, don't judge or blame her or try to make her see your point of view. Sometimes sympathetic listening--for example, "You sound really sad; I'm so sorry"--is the best communication.
