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Exercise 3-2.2
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Lead-Writing Exercises > Common lead problems – a matching exercise




1


San Francisco police said yesterday that a 23-year-old Ohio man bled to death early Friday after a brawl in a Tenderloin bar.
2


There was a report out Friday that identity thieves have stolen more than 40 million credit card accounts in perhaps the single largest case of consumer data theft ever.
3


Nevada City resident Harriet Swank suffered serious injuries Sunday when she triggered a methane explosion by lighting a match in a portable toilet.
4


A state prosecutor was asked by Gov. Jeb Bush on Friday to explore the circumstances of a dead woman's collapse 15 years ago.
5


In their fourth such action since last month's disappearance of an Alabama teen, Aruban police arrested a party boat disc jockey on Friday.
6


In Kyrgistan on Monday, police battled protesters who swarmed into government buildings in the nation's biggest unrest since the ouster of its president in March.
7


Roughly 1,000 U.S. Marines and Iraqi soldiers backed by American fighter jets attacked insurgent strongholds in the western Iraqi town of Karabilah on Friday and pushed along the banks of the Euphrates River valley looking for terrorists and "terrorist-support" systems that have taken advantage of Syria's porous border.
8


Mount Clemens police arrested a former parking meter attendant last week after finding thousands of dollars in coins in his home.
A)In this case, passive voice might be better as the actor isn't as important or interesting as the object of the action.
B)"There is/there was" is a dull construction. Should find a more specific verb.
C)Contains a name that the public won't recognize. Should delay ID until second paragraph.
D)Slow start. Avoid backing into sentences this way.
E)Way more than 25 words. Tighten. Tighten. Tighten.
F)Placement of "where" and/or "when" is awkward. These elements are better tucked into the middle or end of a sentence.
G)Push that attribution to the end of the sentence. We care more about what happened than who told us about it.
H)Passive voice is generally lousy. Would be better in active voice.
B. Rewrite each of the leads in the matching exercise above to eliminate the problems you discovered.




9Lead #1



10Lead #2



11Lead #3



12Lead #4



13Lead #5



14Lead #6



15Lead #7



16Lead #8







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