Improve Communication

How does being more assertive and understanding communication styles help you? How does using positive visualization and attentive listening strategies help improve your communication with others? Apply the ABC method to improve your interactions with others, for example:

A=Actual event: “Jack, a member of our study team, is not pulling his weight. He misses meetings or comes late, and he doesn’t do his share of the work. Most of the time I just ignore him or complain to the other members. I didn’t know how to respond to Jack when he made more excuses for not attending class and not doing his small part in the group.”

B=Beliefs: “It’s just easier to go along with Jack rather than cause conflict. He may yell at me or quit the group. Besides, it’s easier for me to just do his part of the presentation.”

C=Challenge: “I‘m upset and resentful that Jack is not doing his work. But I get nervous and anxious when I try to express my opinions or stand up for myself. I’m afraid I might lose control and overreact.”

“Based on past experience, Jack won’t do his part unless others express their concerns. And it is unlikely that Jack will quit the group or become confrontational. I can express my concerns in a calm and non-threatening manner. For example, I would say, ‘Jack, I get upset that you are late and that you did not complete the library assignment that you committed to doing. I would appreciate it if you would complete it by tomorrow, so that the group can turn in the project on time. You can e-mail it to us.’ It is easier to stay calm when I don’t let my frustration and resentment grow.”

“My needs and ideas are as important as those of others, and I can express myself in clear and respectful terms. I know my boundaries, and I have tools for resolving conflict. I use direct eye contact, attentively listen, and speak directly to Jack, rather than hoping that someone else in the group will respond or that the problem will go away.”

Practice the ABC Method of Self-Management

Complete Worksheet 12.1 in your text, or develop a related scenario using theABC Template (24.0K)